Exodus 14:13: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" ..

Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Happy Mothers Day 2013

Today I celebrate my Mother and  my grandmother (the only living one) and my 3 little ones who have made me a mommy. We all know she ( mama) is our role model and hero — Married at 19 yrs and  with no post secondary school education but  built a business empire! Giving us one thing she didn’t get decent education – we went to private schools, and universities to achieve our dreams!  – we say without blinking  that she is our role model.  To some think it’s cliche, but to us it’s a fact.  we love and miss you mama – RIP

 

Screen shot 2013-05-12 at 9.17.47 AM

How true!

Happy Mothers day to all mom out there…

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Aside

Parenting the 2nd time …

What a great day to blog and read blogs. I took time off to do some blog and social media marketing and consultation. So my really good friend called me very early in the morning: Excited she said, “We expecting baby # 3, it’s a surprise, but what can I expect?” congrats I said … am really super excited for her since she is one of those great parents!That is a hard and easy question… each kid is different and each time you add another that means one more mouth to feed, one more person to potty train, one more person to dress up etc…

ImageBut I think I am much wiser with number 2 or 3 than number 1…A better parent I am or I tend to believe. Experiences grow us and they change us and allow us to realize what’s important and what’s not. It’s like I was on a test run but not I am parenting.

# I learned that little ones require time and attention!

# More laid back

# I cuddled more since I realized how in a few months they will wiggle out of your arms

# I lay off the parenting books and just parented my style

# Nursing her was enjoyable at number 3 than number 1 since I knew how much time will fly and this will be over too

# Less stress out on feeding her– I knew this is just cycle

# Less anxious over germs getting into everything – but enjoyed each moment

# I focus on the joys and not the work involved

I just feel I’m more comfortable with myself and not prove myself…this is who God made me to be.

 So parents do you parent differently with you 1, 2, 3 etc… in what ways? … Please share.

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Happy Mother day – 2012

Happy Mother day - 2012

Just received this today and I thought it was a wonderful reminder.

 

http://www.keepinitreal-gina.com/2012/05/1-corinthians-13-for-women-free.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+keepinitreal-gina%2FqGjm+%28Keepin%27+It+Real%29&utm_content=Yahoo%21+Mail

Overprotective mama?

So have you been following the Penn State scandal? It’s pretty graphic!  I know I can be an overprotective mama sometimes but stuff like this doesn’t make it any better. Particularly when all you want is to always assure them that God will protect them. We always read to the kids these verses when we have to leave to go out on a date or appointments and they are crying scared (I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous Josh. 1:5-6 🙂 and I also like The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:7-8

My son is almost 5 and my dream was always to start in early on community building and volunteering/charity activities but after reading and listening to the Penn State shame that has gone on – I just decided to put on my “over protective” mom hat on again.. Sigh! As a mother to a little boy, my thoughts and prayers to those little boys who looked up to Sandusky trusting him, they were so defenseless.

So my question is; at what age are they are old enough for you to begin to talk about pedophiles to them? 

Dilemma – Child proofing

So, is it even acceptable to lock your kids in their room? Tragic; My kids 4 and 2 years old have taken it upon them to get out of bed when we are still sleeping, get downstairs… Push the chair to the door, unlock the door chains and take off on their bike! I was super terrified at 7 am to find a house with no kids. I didn’t even know what to do on Saturday morning when my husband said ‘the kids are gone’… I thought “Oh No, where?” all the crazy stuff started going thro my head, I was crying- understatement… I was wailing! We are blessed we lived in a street where we know all our neighbors plus the neighbors on the other streets, so instead of the police & Social Services coming to our doors it was the ever nice, caring neighbors. I thought I was not to prepare for sneaking out until teenage year yet – sigh!

I really wondered what happened to the old good days when or he came into my room and told me good morning and gives me kisses?

Anyway, that evening we were having a few fun friends over for dinner and someone suggested locking them in their room. Lock them in till they are ready to abide by the rules of the house” It made sense… what if they go downstairs and start a fire etc — Its sounds cruel… Does it? But thinking about it’s no different than if he were in a crib and couldn’t get out. If there was a fire the child would not know what to do, right?  I have also thought of a baby monitor but this lil engineer with tear it apart! I know In a perfect world, all mom’s should pounce up energetic and ready to go at 5am before the kiddos get up, but the reality of life isn’t that way. Some mornings you we all just need that extra three minutes… :)-

Any other advice parent out there ? Anybody with a sneaking toddler?

Marriage Conference 2011

I really can’t express how grateful I am for the opportunity to attend the Family Life marriage conference two weeks ago ‘a weekend to remember’ with my husband in Lone tree, CO.  We laughed together, learned together and Loved! The speakers (Bryan Loritts and Tim & Noreen Muehlholff) were so knowledgeable and super entertaining! At first the thought of leaving the kids overnight anywhere was overwhelming but at 7:30 am on Saturday it was weird (like nice weird) not to hear somebody scream my name across walls “mommy!!!” – What a nice way to get away, spend time with my husband and hear what plans God has for our family~ this husband of mine is truly my gift from God.  

I loved it that there was a variety of couples in the crowd; – couples who’ve  been married for over 40 years Hoot! Then there was the newlywed and pre-weds Hoot!  I loved the woman to woman session. I almost teared up, Noreen is such a sweet and down to earth wife! Also, all the topics were on point… why marriages fail, unlocking the mystery of marriage, marriage after dark, leaving a legacy etc….Well, long, long time ago I used to think marriage conferences were for people with marital issues But as we attended our 2nd conference in 6 years of marriage this past weekend, we met attendees just like us who use it as an opportunity to keep  focus and develop a Godly marriage & Godly parenting. Also learn more about God’s design for our family! In addition, we saw the true value of constantly investing in our marriage no matter how long we are together.. The weekend was totally worth the investment!

We both agree that we owe that to our three children.

Oh, also I just added lots of books under my to read list ~ Top of the list the are,;

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and God’s Design for Sex Series by Stan Jones, Brenna Jones

Marriage, I want to get this… Love & respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs [Book]

Join the challenge

Thanks Becoming a Strong Woman of God!

“There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it.” C.S. Lewis

Signs Your Child May Be Gifted?

So today I got this list of 20 signs your child is gifted … We are parents who are not stuck in labels. We refuse to…! I sometimes hear parents say “my kid is so smart for a kid of her age… or she/he is one of those smart kids than most kids” Really  and this child is just 1-2 -3-4-5 years old…  They haven’t even started school to be tested against kids their age? …  how would we know a 1-2 -3-4-5 years old is smarter than most kids? Aren’t the ‘smart/gifted’ ones usually the top 10% for their age level? So I assume the only way to truly know if your child is ‘gifted/smarter’ is if you are able to compare their abilities with other children. Ohh, look at this, sometimes this kid is a 1st child or even an only child so who are you comparing him/her to– well maybe a couple or 3-4-5  of his/her friends who are just happy and enjoying the innocence of their childhood? Don’t get me wrong off course when you child is in upper grades you could label them as ‘smart/gifted’ or whatever.. it might make sense at this point to throw in those words…

Anyway, I think I just come from a different school of parenting style …what is important at the early stages to us is are our children happy or how gifted are they in helping, caring for other people’s feeling, gifted in obeying their God and the elders?… and in the meantime encourage them in their God given and learned gifts- not just THE labels.

I think, too much pressure is placed on children these days to be smarter than someone else’s child. I am just happy to help develop my children’s learning, creativeness.

Here is the link from Circle of mom… so GO figure! Most kids I have come in contact with are genius if this is all it takes to be a gifted!!

What do you think? Anybody with a child with a special gift like gift of ‘love’ Gift of Respect….

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” -Einstein

Things I would do different …

Inspired my friend Brandy and other fellow bloggers,  Ameena ,  Courtney on what kind of things they would do different as a parent or as a pregnant mama… It got me thinking. Definitely there are 1 million things I would do different if there was even a next time or start doing different… Including – just plain simple, not get pregnant in the first place ‘off course that is joke’ — I love these munchkins!

  1. Just write everything down, Yes I have forgotten many funny-priceless moments already!
  2. Talk to every pregnant mama I see and encourage them and tell them they look great – It’s just “weight” and it’s worth the wait!!!
  3. Wait!!… Maybe gain less weight, yes; I know I am an expert at convincing myself the baby needs a slice of cheesecake every afternoon… So this would be very hard to do different. But I will throw it in here for my doctors, you never know!
  4. Not to be all struck up on the schedule, I know it works… BUT sometimes it’s okay for the baby to follow ‘mommy’s schedule’ right?
  5.  Just stop and enjoy each moment and not to worry over small things or tomorrow.
  6. Not to be too paranoid about nursing in public … Not duck into the restroom all the times…we all eat in public so baby can eat in public too right?
  7. Use the Pacifier / binky– It can be exhausting being the cow and the paci at the same time!
  8. Maybe look more into cloth diapers as a money saving option – I know I am too lazy but note the look in my sentence.
  9. Promise not to let myself compare with anybody else or let anybody compare me or my baby with theirs… They are all different and all special in God’s eyes… easy said than done!
  10. Have great comebacks for those who tell me I am enormous and ask me if I am going to have twins… Oh and even better for the strangers who ask me if my pregnancy was planned
  11. Get out of the house sooner – like really sooner! Sleep + Sun = Happy mummy! Since Sleep is at nil, I might as well double up on the sun.
  12. Not to read too much, really rely on my maternal instinct most of the times… not tie myself in knots reading every book I find – too much information (which many times contradicts anyway) can be dangerous
  13. Just pray for the kiddos more than I am doing…..
  14. Take more pregnancy pictures – Yikes!
  15. Last but not least maybe just raise a cow in the backyard… at the rate milk is being consumed in this house, that would have been a cheaper option :)-

Do you sometimes wonder on what you would do different? Share please…. I love this parent journey, it’s like a maze!

Soccer mom

Hello world I am official a soccer mom. You should have seen me pacing the sidelines shouting… Go-Go! Get it! Awww… deck chair, insect repellant, sunscreen, hat – all check. All I need now is an enormous van or fancy car to complete my title!!– I think!!! So I have learned a few things…

Soccer Moms Rejoice! Hybrid Minivan on the Way.

  1. A must – Buy a soccer ball, goal yard, cones to use for practice at home
  2. Practice with your kid at home for 20 minutes ( rolling eyes)
  3. Try and learn the game and the rules J

Here is a fun video – I love it! I might be one of these women soon. Explaining to the coach how good my son is and how everyone is super wrong…  Yes I do not understand the game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gETP14z515Q

So anymore advice— So can praising your child on the soccer field hurt them? Well to my surprise the answer is an unequivocal yes, according to a recent ABC News Nightline story.

Baby Gear: 10 Baby Items That I Don’t Need

Me and my  friend were discussing all these many things we bought our kids and realized we never used them even for a week :)-  So we started brain storming what things we never really needed or hardly used — While I agree that none of the items on my list are true necessities, obviously the convenience factor changes according to one’s circumstances.  We are lucky today as parents to have all these things that allows us to have these options and makes our jobs a little easier because all parents know that raising and nurturing a baby is a very tough job let alone having the time and attention for the rest of the family and household chores OR  even jobs outside the home.

These choices that we now have as parents is a luxury no matter how big or small but as a  1st  time mom these  may be the only luxuries you get for a while. Well they also makes you appreciate how hard our parents and grandparents really did have it in their days. I really think that some of these products are there for us to alleviate the stress of parenting.

So whether I think it’s a necessity or not, it’s really up to the a person. The less stress on mother and baby, the happier the family right?

I will add my  top 10 baby gear or items that you do not need to the  list  that I read on this money watch article.  I will write on the top 10 gear that I really LOVED!!!

1. Bottler warmer — we just use hot water to thaw frozen milk especially when you are out of  the house ( 95% of time we are outside).. the frozen milk is already thawed anyway!

2. Wipe warmer.. Oh dear… same thing, we are always on the go and so I can haul this thing everywhere warming the wipes! The wipes are always at room temperature anyway…

3. Fancy Baby monitors – I feel like I am always in the house when the baby is the house and didn’t need one that can transmission 20 or whatever miles away… I would NEVER be miles away from my baby while they are in the house sleeping –

4. Baby sleep positioner – Just too luxurious for me to buy a pillow just to place a baby in a certain way- I sold mine after buying it and used the money to buy diapers :)-

5. Changing table – I rarely went upstairs to change the kiddos… just did it on a changing mat and the point I needed to do it…

6. Drying rack & bottle sterilizer – I just dried the bottles in the dish washer and boiled the ones that felt yucky to sterilize

7.  High chair – Too huge and in my way! just used  graduated them to a booster chair with a back and a strap — saves space!

8. DVD’s Baby Einstein – overrated — period! PBS kids TV was just fine when I need to run into the bathroom for a minute …

9. Diaper genie – Yuck.. I love dirty diapers in the trash not in the house :)-

10.Bumboo seat – These just never felt safe to me… unless they are on the floor.. and I didn’t feel like bending to the floor after popping a baby out anyway…

 

So what gears did you use the least than expected? Any must have gears?

 

Read the article

http://moneywatch.bnet.com/saving-money/blog/family-finance/infant-gear-10-items-you-dont-need/2635/?tag=yahoo-moneywatch

 

Parents keep child’s gender under wraps

You can read the story here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110524/ts_yblog_thelookout/parents-keep-childs-gender-under-wraps#mwpphu-container

So I just reading this on Yahoo and thought I would give my .20 cents which might be worth .5ct in this economy ~ So basically this mom is going to keep her child’s ‘sex’ a secret? Wow! Really this world is getting crazier! Society may assign us gender roles, but doesn’t our genetics assign our sex?  I am all for raising my children to be who they want to be, I would never discourage them from stepping out of their gender roles… If my son wants to cook, clean and bake all day I will let him… my little girl plays with planes, train and super hero’s all day. But despite all that, at their ages, they already identify with their specific genders. Sure, sometimes my son picks the dolls and sometimes my daughter pretends to be superman and that is so great. Children will pick up gender cues from the society, regardless of what us parents intend… you remember that whole “nature verse nurture debate” I let them choose what they want to do but with guidance. But not telling their sex to the loved ones or the community sounds crazy!  I believe it is our job as parent’s to lead and guide our little ones, it’s our God-given responsibility! It truly makes the kiddies happy when they are taught and helped with making their choices – it surely did make me feel happy. They need boundaries, guidelines, rules, consequences and opportunities. Really when they are older and more mature, they can make their own decisions – they have their whole life to make their own decisions…

Also, protecting their kids from the very world they will have to function in and suffer or benefit from for the rest of their lives? Wouldn’t this make them feel like outsiders forever?  This world is harsh as it is….. If they are truly fair-minded – why not let the kids interact with other kids?

But you know what who’s judging?

My little Nudist!

Despite my very best efforts to keep her clothed, she is always determined to be naked more than I would like. She can have her clothes off in a minute flat. Yes, we are running out of the door… late as usual, I will dress her to go out and turn around to get her shoes and there she is, totally nude! – In the world of a toddler, running around naked must be a great game and in my world I never care much I usually let her be especially when we don’t have company.potty training

In Kenya, it can get sooo hot that everywhere you look there are naked kids and no-one bats an eyelid. So I try my best not to overreact but I had to really over react today…I’ve tried putting pajamas on her that button, buckle but she can be totally undressed in less than a minute. And those onesis she will stretch the neck and shimmy out, also she takes forever to go to sleep because she spends hours putting her clothes on and taking them off. …Yes. She undressed herself in the crib… Poop everywhere Yuck! grrr….cleaning poop and disinfecting was not in my to do list today — I have to draw the line when she undress at nap time, poop, and then paint with it…

I have been reading and my friends and family suggested these tips for bedtime:-

  • Duct tape around the waist of the diaper and overlap it in the back
  • Fastening the disposable diapers backwards
  • Pair of panties over her diaper or a onesie underneath her clothes
  • When they want to run around necked let them and start potty training
  • Let them be naked –  we’ll raise a generation with a balanced and healthy view of bodies
  • Pajamas inside out at night
  • Putting a diaper pin through the zipper of the one piece Pajama’s works for us.
  • Try the little keeper sleeper  www.littlekeepersleep.com
  • instead of using disposable diapers at nap time use the cloth diapers
Lets see what will work – Anybody out there with a lil nudist? Any tips?

For Becoming Better Parents

February 16, 2011

by Charles R. Swindoll

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

—Ephesians 6:4

Thank You, Father, for being the perfect Parent. Thank You for those times that You’ve taken us to task, though the reproof sometimes seemed more than we could bear. Encourage us with the truth that whoever the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. Forgive us, our Father, for our prodigal ways, for our selfish desires and self-willed decisions. Forgive us for our pride in wanting to look like winners as fathers and mothers when the truth is we have failed at every point.

Help us to be real with our children—authentic, loving, forgiving, firm when we have to be, strong when we need to be, gentle at all times. Help us, Lord. Help us with our grandchildren, to be there for them when they need us to be supportive and affirming of their parents, to be a part of the answer rather than a part of the problem. Enable us to come to terms with things that weren’t dealt with in our own lives so that we don’t pass them on to these precious, innocent children who follow us.

Lord, we give You thanks for the genius of the family. It’s all Your idea. We pray we’ll have very sensitive hearts as we grow in these areas of nurturing and discovery.

In the dear name of Christ. Amen.

See also Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Proverbs 3:12; 22:6; Colossians 3:21; Hebrews 12:9-11.

Exclusive breast-feeding

So my husband and I make fun of researchers occasionally (no offence to a researcher) but we feel like facts change every day. Now they say carbs are good for weight lost…  the previous year it was fruits or protein… Really! Anyway so now my friend forwarded to me this link, she lives in Kenya where we start feeding baby food to the infants at 2months. She thinks I am crazy not to feed my little ones anything before 6mths. We believe in doing both (breast milk and solids) — When I had my babies here in America the pediatrician told me I had to exclusively breast feed for 6mth and then introduced the solid after… Knowing me, I have the ‘over-worrying syndrome’ when it come to my kids and off course we are all looking for the best option for our kids and who knows what it is with all this studies popping up every week – confusing!

Talking of breast-feeding I feel like my life has been either pregnant or breast –feeding for a long time now! So anyway here is the article below… On a different note, I think BS is the most painful thing than labor… Yes, I know it gets better after 3-4 weeks but before then ‘screaming pain’…  Anyway let me know your thoughts…

Retrieved from http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticleNew.asp?col=&section=health&xfile=data/health/2011/January/health_January33.xml

Exclusive breast-feeding not good enough: Study

(AFP)

15 January 2011

Breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months is not necessarily best for a baby’s health, British researchers said, calling into question advice given to new mothers.

The team led by a paediatrician from University College London said babies fed only breast milk could suffer iron deficiency and may be more prone to allergies.

The study says babies could start to be weaned on to solids as early as four months, although other experts advised sticking to the existing guidelines.

Ten years ago, the World Health Organisation (WHO) recommended that infants should be exclusively breastfed for six months.

“Many Western countries, including 65 per cent of European member states and the United States, elected not to follow this recommendation fully, or at all,” the authors said, although Britain did.

The WHO recommendation ‘rested largely’ on a review of 16 studies, including seven from developing countries. It concluded that babies given only breast milk for six months had fewer infections and experienced no growth problems.

But another review of 33 studies found ‘no compelling evidence’ not to  introduce solids at four to six months, the experts said.

Some studies have also shown that breastfeeding for six months fails to give babies all the nutrition they need.

One US study from 2007 found that babies exclusively breastfed for six months were more likely to develop anaemia than those introduced to solids at four to six months. On the issue of allergies, the British study said researchers in Sweden found that the incidence of early onset coeliac disease increased after a recommendation to delay introduction of gluten until age six months, “and it fell to previous levels after the recommendation reverted to four months”.

The authors said, however, that exclusively breastfeeding for six months remains the best recommendation for developing countries, which have higher death rates from infection. But in developed countries, it could lead to adverse health outcomes and may “reduce the window for introducing new tastes”.

“Bitter tastes, in particular, may be important in the later acceptance of green leafy vegetables, which may potentially affect later food preferences with influence on health outcomes such as obesity.”

The researchers said the European Food Safety Authority’s panel on dietetic products, nutrition and allergies has concluded that for infants across the EU, complementary foods may be introduced safely between four to six months.

Experts in Britain challenged the findings of the new study.

Janet Fyle, professional policy adviser at the Royal College of Midwives, said: “I really must challenge the suggestion from the review that the UK should reconsider its current advice on exclusive breastfeeding for six months.

“I believe that this is a retrograde step and plays into the hands of the baby food industry which has failed to support the six-month exclusive breastfeeding policy in the UK.”

Recap 2010

2010 was our greatest year! We had so much fun trying out new things and travelling to new places. Ever loving friends and family affection– I am so thankful! … 2011 just as it sounds, feels like a good year already. It is day eight and I have already read a great romance novel (Looks Like Love – By my friend good Brandy Bruce) – This is definitely a good sign for this year. I never do resolutions; I just love taking life easy! – … anyway life is never boring in this house. There is always somebody needing a diaper changed, drawing on the walls with crayons! So who needs more tasks? So here is a quick recap of the FUN 2010 ~ I really look forward to another awesome year!

Confessions & Bad Mommy moments ~ 2010

  • Did I occasionally exaggerate how hard my day was? Oh, some days avoiding new tasks..
  • Did I secretly skip pages when reading books to my child? Mmm… maybe
  • Did I make a loud, annoying toy disappear? YES… we don’t need any more drama!
  • Have I pretended my baby was crying to get off the phone? I thank God for my crying babies they save me at those moments!
  • Did I ever forgotten to buckle my child into his car seat? Well one day driving … I just heard, someone whisper by my ears hi mommy!
  • Did I ever yell at my children? Oh Never! Who does this…? (wondering aloud…)

A few awesome moments ~ 2010

  • Quick ‘ Illegal’ naps
  • When cashiers opened up a new check-out lanes at the store just in time before chaos erupted for me and a cranky kid
  • When people flash their high beams to warn about the cops – when I was actually speeding:)-
  • when I see my kids laughing/smiling in their sleep
  • when on hold with the worst customer service but the hold music is actually great!
  • Smell of Gasoline – Yes! (Weird…) – way better than taking off the bra after a long day
  • Gobbling a whole box of English chocolates on New Year’s Eve – Thanks Dawn!

Question of the Year 2010

  • How many servings of carbohydrates to you give your kids each day? – Really? do we really have to count those too?

Hope everyone had a great 2010 with awesome moments despite the up & downs we all go thru’ in life. I wish you a Happy New Year to you and many more of God’s blessings in 2011.

Any Awesome moments, off guard questions or confession you got?

See you in 2011!

Choosing Battles!

I’ve been butting heads all summer long with my toddler. I think we’re both have just decided to be stubborn. But now I am deciding sometimes I have to take a step back and really decide whether some battles are even  worth fighting. Like, what kind of shoes to put on … at this point, even winter boots in the summer or leather shoes in the rain are just fine!

Wink..

Utter chaos

I think those two words best describe my life this week. Things are good but  crazy this week. I spent most of the afternoon cleaning the house and you can’t even tell — it looks like I haven’t lifted a finger in months. I cleaned the downstairs, the kids trash the upstairs. I clean the upstairs, the kids trash the downstairs….Utter chaos

Unhappy Parent?

Today I had brunch and lunch with a friend and we were lucky her mom was in the room and was able to watch the kid so we talked about lots of things including how every kid is just so different and how some parents are just lucky to have calm kids. Maybe I should borrow a leaf from my late mom’s parenting skills, it might work who knows? …she never allowed us to interrupt adult conversations, unless the incident involved blood.

So anyway, I am reading this article about unhappy helicopter parents, to sum it up, “She reviews the growing body of research that shows that children don’t make you happier, and during certain ages — younger than 6, from 12 to 15 — can make you less happy. And yet, we keep having them. Often more than one of them. The only way to reconcile these contradictory facts is to conclude that the unhappiness of day-to-day drudgery is offset by the genuine spikes of happiness from incandescent parenting moments”    For me, I know that there are obviously times when parenting is exhausting, but my husband and I, I think, try to keep things in perspective. We love time with our kids and have a lot of it, but also we make sure that we are still our own people who have friends and have our own interests. We make sure we have our individual time and as a couple, as well as being a family.

So when I read this article about unhappy helicopter parents, as described in the article, I think of those who refuse to let go and make being a parent their primary and sole identity. I believe it’s not healthy to define yourself exclusively in terms of somebody else (well, unless that somebody is God), or to never take a break from anything. I have figured out after taking a break that I am usually the ‘best’ parent in this world. I am sure that there are some people who view parenting as some competition or kids as a material good and so when they don’t win they feel unhappy, but majority of parents I know simply take parenting seriously because they want their kids to succeed, by became well-rounded and well-behaved kids who eventually become productive adults. Off course I do helicopter to some extent, with all the crazy things happening to kids in the news, I don’t want to think “I wish I was watching them closely, I wish I had even hovered more closely” also it’s just my nature to just be a nervous Nellie about certain things. Personally, I don’t look to my children to make me happy, and I think I am not alone out there. The rewards of parenting aren’t moments of personal happiness, but a long-term accomplishment and just the satisfaction and joy of knowing I might be making a real contribution to the next generations is enough to make me happy.

Also in the article it states that, “Many of the helicopter mothers I’ve spoken to have told me, often with pride in their voices, and that their daughters are their best friends.”  Truly I don’t know about my toddler and infant being my best friends –I just hope one day when they are older, they will claim me as a best friend.  Like the African wise saying, “parent now and friendship later!” I LOVE being a parent, and I’m a better parent when I can take a break from it every so often. Oh, I also hope to have grandkids so I don’t want to scare my kids to think that motherhood is such a lonely, exhausting chore!

Read the article:

http://community.nytimes.com/comments/parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/07/unhappy-helicopter-parents/?sort=oldest&offset=2

Overheard


“It’s so hard to look nice when you have a baby. Even when I dress up to go out with my husband, partway through the evening I’ll realize I have half a piece of dried wagon-wheel pasta stuck to the back of my skirt.” — Melissa

Babycenter.com

Cost of Raising a Child Ticks Up

A child born in 2009 will cost nearly a quarter of a million dollars, or about $222,360, to raise to maturity, up a little less than 1% from 2008, the Agriculture Department said Wednesday in its annual report on the average cost of raising a child. (The department runs the survey to help courts and state governments set child-support guidelines.) Expenses for child care, education and health care rose the most compared with 2008, while the cost of transportation for a child actually fell, the department said. Annual child-rearing expenses for the average middle-income, two-parent family range from $11,650 to $13,530, depending on the age of the child, the department says.

Child care accounts for 17% of the total spending, and education for 16% of the total. The cost of housing makes up nearly one-third of the total; this is gauged by the average cost of an additional bedroom. But the tally excludes any spending on kids over age 17, so it doesn’t include one of the biggest and fastest-growing single financial outlays many parents make: the cost of sending your child through college. Higher-education costs aren’t included, the department says.

Families in the Northeast have the highest costs, followed by cities in the West, then cities in the Midwest. Families in rural areas and in Southern cities have the lowest child-rearing costs.

For families with many kids, however, there is some good news: The more children you have, the less it costs to raise each one. These economics of scale deliver 22% savings per child for families with three or more children. That is because kids can share a bedroom, hand down clothing and toys to each other, and consume food purchased in bulk quantities, reducing costs. Also, private schools and child-care centers may offer sibling discounts. The data is compiled based on spending by 11,800 two-parent families and 3,350 single parents with at least one child under 18 living at home.

Based on previous reports by the department, the overall cost of raising a child rose 15% in inflation-adjusted dollars between 1960 and 2008. The increase has been driven largely by sharp increases in health-care, child-care and education costs, the department says. Interestingly, clothing and food costs have fallen, perhaps because of more efficient mass production of food and reduced costs of manufacturing clothing.

Readers, yesterday, the discussion turned to whether or not it’s possible to raise a family on one salary. Does a report like this help in making that kind of decision or in planning your savings?

Retrived: http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/109765/cost-of-raising-a-child-ticks-up?mod=family-kids_parents

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