Exodus 14:13: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" ..

Archive for March, 2010

Are you Good-job!-ing Your Kids to Their own detriment?

I am one of the 85% of all parents so to statistics, who are persistently telling their little ones how intelligent they are by saying ‘that is so smart’ and ‘great job’.   A few months ago my husband sent me an article by George Will (you can also find it at http://www.JewishWorldReview.com). Basically it is declaring, do your child a favor and tone down the praises!

Well, for me I thought thinking highly of oneself is a need for high accomplishment – So every time my son used the bathroom we sang praises to him- How smart he is…blah. I can plead guilty as charged, I am a praise junkie. Do you remember reading somewhere in a parenting book or magazine that rewarding and patting kiddos back constantly makes them confident adults?  Apparently, because of self-esteem obsession these kids grow up into adults who are needy and always need validation. Some children’s soccer teams stopped counting goals and shower everyone with trophies. Overdoing it, I say!

In addition, studies have shown that praise is without doubt good, but some kinds of praises are better than others. So, unspecific praise, or over praise, can become empty. ‘Praise that’s too general, like “you’re such a good child” that’s not connected with a specific behavior, doesn’t mean much. Too much praise can backfire; it doesn’t allow the child to experience failure and to learn some ways to deal with it.’ (Child Center, 2007) ‘So over praised kids as adults have issues ~ “Often they have difficulty at conflict resolutions, disappointment or tolerating any negative emotions at all.”

Anyhow, praise can be a good teaching tool to our kids but it has to be precise and real so the kiddos can learn how to amend their behavior. NYU institute states that when you’re talking about academic work, we should remember; not to connect praise to the outcome. Rather than praise the A on a test with something like “You’re so smart,” praise the effort. “You really studied hard for that test.” Praise something over which the child has control—focusing, paying attention, sharing, working hard, etc. (2007) “Children who are constantly praised for being smart tend to avoid challenges because they think they may fail. A child who is praised for effort or other qualities over which s/he has control will gain self-confidence.”

By the way, this praising overload is getting tougher for me to break off from; I am trying but still catch myself doing it. Honest, but not hurtful, feedback is the key.

What do you think can you over praise a kid?  How much is too much? How little is too little?

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The Office

I love The Office it is one of those shows where you either love or hate!  I happen to be one of the many fans ‘love at first sight it was’.  It is Thursday night so I look forward to some 30 minutes of laughing out loud. It’s been 3 years since we fell in love with it; actually my husband used watch it way before and to laugh loudly and I wondered what show is that?I trusted his sense of humor and got hooked! Now I feel like I work at Dunder Mifflin.  I sometimes answer my cell phone like I am Pam. If you haven’t watched it yet; it is in a documentary approach different from any regular TV show. So if you can watch a show and handle the silly things, sometimes awkward things the boss (Michael) does, then you will instantly fall for The Office. I usually know The office fans when I read their comments or status on face book orTwitter, ‘Michael Scott – that’s what she said’ is my favorite  quote– I over use it though. So Pam and Jim are now parents – nursing the wrong baby in the hospital – feels like something I would have done with all the pain pills I got (not complaining)! When Michael was driving them to the hospital and they were arguing Michael’s classic ‘Stop arguing do you want your baby to come out a lawyer?’ Hilarious!

Anyway I like, love stories so I wonder who is the new office cupids: The relationships between Andy and Erin is getting serious, but will it last – Mmm? So are Andy and Erin the new Jim and Pam? Erin such a sweet girl who is slowly winning my ( and Andy’s too) heart. I’ll be rooting for them!

Do you watch the office? What is your favorite quote or character?

Forgiveness

I am not one to follow or engage in celebrity gossip or their personal lives (I am always busy changing a diaper or cleaning messes) but the Tiger Wood jokes just got so funny, actually I googled a few. Anyway, I didn’t even know Tiger was making a public apology that morning, but when I clicked on a link of popular stories on yahoo and read his apology. Something bothered me about it, enough to watch it on YouTube.  I was thinking his apology was so rehearsed and sincere in some ways! What bothered me were the expectations of public figures than his real apology.

I must say I sometimes struggle with forgiveness, I mean really petty things or people might bother me and I am sometimes inflexible and even cynical to apologies. I know I should keep reminding myself of Jesus words… “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Easier said…! Also Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.(attitude: loving and forgiving just like God forgave you)

Therefore I keep reminding myself it is not in my place to judge other peoples mistakes (sins) and take every apology at face value.  So Tiger’s story is not that different from our own lives or my own. Sin is sin right? Maybe sin is what someone else does but in our own lives, we too often just call it a mistake, mmm… I think we all struggle with some sin . It’s easy to look at someone else and judge them but ignore our even worse sin.

So putting all my heavy cynicism away and normal urge to judge, I am wishing for him and anyone else I haven’t trusted their apology to succeed in rebuilding their lives. I pray for my life that I will always be humble enough to forgive others and to not judge. Psalm 103:8-12 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities…..

What do you think; does forgiveness come easy for you?

more verses on forgivess:

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-forgiveness-20-encouraging-scripture-quotes/

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